Many think it’s about being “tough”, but the problem is they don’t even know what that looks like.
“You only get to be hard on a kid if you’ve taken the time to develop and grow a relationship built on trust, love, & respect.
Being hard on a kid without them fully understanding where you’re coming from (that’s the adults job) isn’t ‘being hard’..
It’s being an as*hole.”
-Ray Zingler on X
I’m all about doing my best to get the most out of kids.
I’m not afraid to push them, challenge them, and (at appropriate times) be hard on them.
But I will tell you this, before I am ever “hard” on a kid, that kid (and their family) will know exactly, and I mean exactly where it is coming from.
I view being tough on a kid as privilege. Not a privilege for my sake, but the sake of the kids. It’s because I refer to my days as a kid and see just how extraordinarily valuable it was for me to have the right adults hard on me.
In that same breath, I could easily decipher the assholes from the quality mentors and when an asshole was hard on me, it provided no value.
As I reflect back, trying to use an adult open mind, I think maybe, just maybe the jerks may have had my best interest at heart and just did a poor job of protecting the message.
But guess what? Even if that were the case, it still wasn’t enough to have a lasting positive impression on me then, and certainly not now as quality mentors have filled that space.
This is why it is so important to build actual relationships with kids and their families.
REAL relationships built on trust, respect, and love.
Relationships that are constantly growing and getting stronger.
And guess what? As much as relationships are 2-way streets, guess who the primary beneficiary is in a coach/athlete relationship?
The Athlete 100 times out of 100.
See we have coaches who will try to justify their surface level nonsense and use cringe quotes taken from books they don’t even understand to build faux “culture” and think that’s enough.
Instead of building actual relationships and real culture, they try to give 5 minutes worth of window dressing to it and think it’s sustainable.
And then it’s back to barking at kids, because “there are so many of them” and “we don’t have time.”
Coaching is privilege.
It is a great responsibility.
And if you’re not hell bent on making it about the kids and their personal growth and development, not only do you not deserve to be hard on them, you’ll never make a positive impact on them.
